Throughout my life, I’ve noticed a pattern.
Time spent away from screens and video games made me happier and enjoy being with people.
The opposite is also true. For over 20 years, I spent most of my life in front of screens playing video games. The knock on effect is that it made socialising with people less appealing.
Why is this?
To provide context for my childhood, I’m autistic and was diagnosed at the age of 4. My experience with autism is that, for the longest time, socialising with both my peers and adults didn’t come naturally to me. I’d struggle to maintain eye contact and I wouldn’t actively listen to the other person because I would consistently try to think of an appropriate and safe response.
Having a lack of instinctual social skills hindered me from expressing my true self and being vulnerable with the people I cared about for most of my life.
This is where video games came in. Video Games gave me purpose in protecting others and the world. I can fail and try again instantly and I didn’t need to practice social skills.
While video games were fun, it negatively impacted my mental health and hindered my developing social skills.
I would never go out with friends at the weekends. I found going to Church on Sunday mornings so unappealing. At University, I would game while my flatmates were partying in our kitchen until 3 in the morning. I was so sleep deprived that I had to work extra hard to do well on my coursework.
Relying on video games to cope with stress and seething anger against the world made me feel lonely. With no way to relax and experience stillness in the present moment, I blamed others for my worsening mental health. For the longest time, I never opened up about both my physical and mental health. This hate consumed me to the point where I was sectioned under the mental health act in 2019 and went to Springfield Hospital.
This is what being engrossed in screens, video games and digital media did to me. But I can say now that since I stopped playing video games last Christmas, I’m a much happier person now.
I have so much free time in my hands that I decided to use it to meet people outside my home and read non-fiction books. I’ve done group meditation, art classes and Yoga. I’ve strengthened the friendships I care about most and continue to build and nurture new ones.
The book Humankind: A Hopeful History by Rutger Bregman helped me change my worldview. It presented the case that there is good in humanity and that we should seek it. Believing in this worldview has helped my social skills in that I now like people and don’t judge them anymore. We all struggle and that is ok.
The TV Show Ted Lasso changed my values as well. Ted Lasso showed me that being kind to others is a choice you make. It showed that being curious about others takes less energy compared to when you’re judging. You can be kind and still have mental health struggles. Your struggles don’t make you any less.
I also dedicated time to focus on my career and it payed off because I’m now working at the West End! I’m collaborating with the kindest people and I’m always genuinely happy to see all of them because they care. I’ve been vulnerable with them about my struggles and we have a stronger connection because of it.
Being both in a caring environment and learning about the world by reading has made socialising so satisfying. I’m enjoying it and will continue to nurture it.
You can too.
Samuel Mental Health 